(elaboration from axioms)
Being that there's 10 types of friends and not knowing this till later on in life I have hung on way too long to certain what I thought friendships and desperation to being connected!
From an article
We first learn how to make friends in preschool and kindergarten, but I don’t think the process ever really stops. We’re constantly learning and relearning how to make friends, how to be a friend, how to keep friends, and so on. Even if we think we’ve mastered the skill, I don’t think we’re ever really done.
I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and I’ve always been a little quirky, so making friends doesn’t always come naturally to me. I’m so proud of myself when I actually manage to meet and make friends in a new situation. Sometimes though, I think I let that excitement overwhelm everything else, including the thought process of whether the friendships I’m creating are healthy or not.
There are archetypes of friends we’ve all had and encountered, friendships that fit into different distinct categories. You may think I’m wrong, but look back over your friendship history and I bet you’ll begin to see that I may have a point.
I think that every kind of friend we’ve had over the course of our life has been worth it because they’ve all been able to teach us something that we can take with us as we move forward. That being said, not all friends are forever. There are some types of friends that are definitely worth keeping, and some types that it’s better to grow apart from in the long run, for both of your sakes.
First Friend
A first friend is someone you’ve known for a long time. They came onto the scene at a point when you were still learning how to make friends, and they've probably seen you through a lot of ups and downs. Maybe they’re a family friend or a neighbor. I have first friends who I became close to within the awkward halls of middle school. They’re a first friend because they were one of the first, and were with you for so many firsts, too.
Keep or run: Sometimes a first friend is a forever friend, someone you’re able to grow with and tackle any obstacles you encounter together. Often times a first friend is someone you’re still able to keep in your life, even if it’s more from afar. They were there for so many pivotal moments and you love being able to reminisce together, even if you don’t talk all that much anymore.
Regardless of where life may take you, first friends are often heart kind of friends.
Fairweather Friend
A fair-weather friend is someone who’s there for the good stuff. They want to hear about the cute thing your cat did or the promotion you just got, but they're not someone you confide in when it comes to the heavy stuff.
Keep or run: A fair-weather friend is basically a surface level friend. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, as long as you’re realistic about what the friendship is. If you’ve tried confiding in them about more emotional stuff and they're always a bit standoffish, but they don’t hesitate to come to you with their own emotional stuff, then you may want to reevaluate things.
There’s nothing wrong with surface-level relationships as long as they’re even. Don’t give more than you’re getting back.
Fake Friend
Pretty self-explanatory. This is the person in your life who you refer to as a friend in conversation but is really more of an acquaintance, and even that is probably being generous. You don’t really trust them, and you probably never have. They’re someone that your friends with by association or because you’re in the same friend group.
Keep or run: Remember, you don’t have to be friends with someone if you don’t want to be, even if you’re in the same group or you have to see them a lot. You can keep things pleasant, of course, but you don’t have to make an effort one on one. You can choose who you’re close to. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Fun Friend
A fun friend is probably more of an acquaintance. They’re someone who you see at parties and who loves to invite you to various events. They’ve always got something going on, and when you’re together, it’s all about the fun. The only real one-on-one time I spend with fun friends is when we’re in the bathroom at the bar together or navigating our way through a party.
Keep or run: Sometimes, the fun friend can become toxic if the partying goes to an unhealthy place. Have fun with the fun friend when the situation warrants it, but remember, life is all about balance.
Fierce Friend
This is the friend who you know will always have your back. Even if you’re not always as close in the day-to-day moments, they’re there when it counts. They have a strong moral compass and definitely aren’t afraid to use it to help keep you on the right track. They’re fierce when it comes to defending you, but they’re also fierce when it comes to making sure you confront the issues within yourself too. They’ll tell you if they think you’re wrong, and they’d also probably egg a car in your honor. It goes both ways.
Keep or run: A fierce friend is a great person to have in your corner, but try to make sure it goes both ways and reciprocate that energy when you can. Even the fierce need to be taken care of sometimes, too.
For Now Friend
A for now friend is someone who you already know isn’t going to stick around for the long run. Circumstance brought you together, but you’re very aware that it won’t be enough forever. When you look at your life 10 years from now, you probably don’t see this person still being someone you see or talk to regularly.
Keep or run: Enjoy the time you have with them now, but don’t put too much stock in it if you already know the friendship will be a fleeting thing. If you don’t like the idea of this person being a “for now” kind of friend and want to try to put in more work to make it last, go for it, but not to your own detriment.
Not all friendships are meant to last, and that’s really ok.
Fickle Friend
This friend runs very hot and cold. One day it feels like you’re best friends and the next thing you know they’ve distanced themselves. One minute they love you and the next they’re mad at you. You often feel like you have whiplash from trying to keep up. I’ve learned it’s especially tricky to deal with fickle friends if they’re not super willing to talk about things as they come up. A problem can only be fixed if both people are willing to address it.
Keep or run: Some issues with a fickle friend might be fixed with some good old-fashioned open communication. Sometimes, though, this person just isn’t in a place where they can rise to meet the level of friendship you’re looking for. It’s important to be able to figure out the difference so you can spend your energy appropriately.
Familiar Friend
A familiar friend is someone who you were probably super close to at one point, and even though you aren’t as close anymore, they’re still in your life. You still talk and hang out and everything — but you often wonder if it’s more because it’s comfortable and familiar, and not because the friendship is actually adding anything to either of your lives.
I bet when you think of the familiar friend archetype someone immediately comes to mind. I think it’s the type a lot of us can relate to the most.
Keep or run: It’s ok to keep a familiar friend around, as long as it’s not holding us back or stunting our growth. Sometimes we hold on to friends longer than we’re meant to because letting go would be painful, even if we know it’s the right thing to do.
Flaky Friend
This is the friend who you have to make plans with six times before something finally sticks. Who says they want to hang out but then doesn’t make an effort to make it happen and often doesn’t provide an explanation as to why. They can also be flaky emotionally, too, all in on helping you through something one minute, and then suddenly they leave you hanging.
Keep or run: Sometimes, when someone is struggling mentally, it can translate into flakiness. We cancel plans or make promises we can’t keep because we’re in a really bad spot and we don’t know how to handle it. I certainly know I’ve been there before.
If you think a flaky friend might only be flaky because of what they’re going through, give them some space but check in when you can. If you think the flakiness is just habitual, adjust accordingly. Let them take the lead on plans. Don’t give more than you’re getting back — a definite theme when it comes to friendship.
Forever Friend
A forever friend is someone that you know will be around forever. It’s just the bond you have. You’ve been in each other’s lives for a while, and through all the ups and downs, you’ve been committed to working to make sure your bond stays strong. Even when you fight or disagree, there’s no doubt in your mind that you’ll always get through it. Your friendship isn’t perfect; it’s real.
Keep or run: Obviously this friend is a keeper, but remember, just because you know they’ll be around forever isn’t an excuse to stop working on the relationship. Even forever friendships need growth and maintenance. Try not to take them for granted.
Some of these friendship types probably overlap. You may have currently or have had in the past friends who fall into more than one type. It’s bound to happen.
Sometimes I’m not quite sure which people in my own life fall into which categories. That’s ok, as long as I stay aware of how each relationship fits into my life, how much energy I’m putting into it, and whether it’s still serving me.
Just because a friendship falls under a certain type doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a negative thing. It’s fine to have a flaky friend or a fickle friend around as long as we’re aware of what the relationship actually is. Look at who’s in your life, think about what’s important to you in the long run, and distribute your energy accordingly. You’ve got this.
FRAGILITY OF BONDS
"The same is true for our emotions to ward family and friends: the richness and intensity of the feelings in our minds are proof of the preciousness and fragility of those bonds in life. In short, without the possibility of suffer ing, what we would have is not harmo nious bliss, but rather, no conscious ness at all."